Birds

Dear reader,

There was one in our house today and to say my mom and I were scared would be the understatement of the year. We were looking at scared in the rear view mirror. I screamed the entire time it was in our house, well- Not true. It was stuck in our fireplace behind the ash fence thing, I was fine then, it was when it escaped when I flipped out. Let me tell the story from the beginning. It all started when I was awoken from my nap. *Flashback harp music*

Mom woke me up to tell me that the bird was trying to escape (I guess she assumed that I would be helpful in getting rid of it. Boy was she wrong.). I, having just woke up, wasn't really interested in the bird so I just mumbled "Yeah, yeah." and headed for the toilet. When I came back, mom was still fixated on the bird so I took the giant touch and shone it at the fireplace, the bird fluttered around but stayed trapped. I then became fixated on it while mom continued watching 'How I Met Your Mother', I decided to use Sheldon Cooper's technique and made cat noises at it hoping it would fly back up the pipe and out of the fireplace. Needless to say, it didn't work.

Skipping ahead to the part when the bird escaped. It seems that birds can understand English, I was telling mom how I was in trouble if it was a crow because crows hold grudges and I was probably pissing it off by shining a torch in it's face. Mom agreed with me and I said that if it attacked me, I'll kill it (No, I won't. I'm not a killer and I'm scared of birds.). I guess that's when the bird freaked out and pushed itself out of the small gap and started flying around. Mom and I screamed and hid under our snuggies. Mom did the hard yards and got rid of it while I screamed and laughed watching her. It was quite hilarious, she had a stick and was poking at the curtains and trying to get it to fly towards the door. I was screaming the entire time and mom found me distracting. I thought I was being a helpful cheerleader, I was screaming helpful tips and for my brother to come help.

So the bird fly out, probably going home to tell his friends his crazy experience with the screaming humans. I went into the study room to where my brother was playing his computer game. I asked him why he didn't come to help us and his reply was simple, "I like hearing you scream." I found that absolutely hilarious and was still laughing about it at dinner. Yes, I'm easily amused.

Love always,
Denise.