Birds

Dear reader,

There was one in our house today and to say my mom and I were scared would be the understatement of the year. We were looking at scared in the rear view mirror. I screamed the entire time it was in our house, well- Not true. It was stuck in our fireplace behind the ash fence thing, I was fine then, it was when it escaped when I flipped out. Let me tell the story from the beginning. It all started when I was awoken from my nap. *Flashback harp music*

Mom woke me up to tell me that the bird was trying to escape (I guess she assumed that I would be helpful in getting rid of it. Boy was she wrong.). I, having just woke up, wasn't really interested in the bird so I just mumbled "Yeah, yeah." and headed for the toilet. When I came back, mom was still fixated on the bird so I took the giant touch and shone it at the fireplace, the bird fluttered around but stayed trapped. I then became fixated on it while mom continued watching 'How I Met Your Mother', I decided to use Sheldon Cooper's technique and made cat noises at it hoping it would fly back up the pipe and out of the fireplace. Needless to say, it didn't work.

Skipping ahead to the part when the bird escaped. It seems that birds can understand English, I was telling mom how I was in trouble if it was a crow because crows hold grudges and I was probably pissing it off by shining a torch in it's face. Mom agreed with me and I said that if it attacked me, I'll kill it (No, I won't. I'm not a killer and I'm scared of birds.). I guess that's when the bird freaked out and pushed itself out of the small gap and started flying around. Mom and I screamed and hid under our snuggies. Mom did the hard yards and got rid of it while I screamed and laughed watching her. It was quite hilarious, she had a stick and was poking at the curtains and trying to get it to fly towards the door. I was screaming the entire time and mom found me distracting. I thought I was being a helpful cheerleader, I was screaming helpful tips and for my brother to come help.

So the bird fly out, probably going home to tell his friends his crazy experience with the screaming humans. I went into the study room to where my brother was playing his computer game. I asked him why he didn't come to help us and his reply was simple, "I like hearing you scream." I found that absolutely hilarious and was still laughing about it at dinner. Yes, I'm easily amused.

Love always,
Denise.

Shopping

Dear reader,

Imagine you are shopping in your favorite store, you grab everything you've fallen in-love with without looking at the price tag and walk up to the cashier. You're smiling and feeling all high and mighty because you think everything you've decided on is in your budget (For that particular store, you have a budget for each store). Turns out, it was about $35 over your budget. What do you do? Would you put stuff back or just spend the extra $35?

I'll tell you what, I would just spend that extra $35. There is nothing more embarrassing than having to say "I don't have enough cash, can I put some things back?" It's awkward. I mean, just a second ago you were walking up with a "'I-feel-so-powerful' strut, laughing at the little kids that were begging their parents for things and smirking at the other teenage girls that had to put back that dress after looking at the price (Shopping does things to me, that and money. I think they make me evil).

I never used to be one of those girls who could shop for hours and spend hundreds of dollars in just one store. But as I grow older and as I start making my own money, I am now one of those girls. I must say, it is an awesome feeling. To swipe a debit card, to pull out a wad of cash, to know that you are paying for it, not your mom, not your dad, you. They can no longer tell you no because you earned that money, it is yours to spend.

I am extremely excited for my December holidays, because I will be in Singapore the entire Christmas. I will be there shopping during the big sales! I will finally fulfill my dream where I am walking down Orchard Road (Or any fancy street with fancy stores in Singapore) in a stunning outfit, wearing heels (Probably not), my shades on, nails perfect, carrying a ton of shopping bags and a Starbucks coffee. Yes, I have weird dreams. I think we've established that in 'Macaroons' but come on, we all have weird dreams.

Well, I'm going to let you go now. It was fun talking to you. I hope that you will continue reading my blog and that each time you do, you laugh. Even if you just chuckle. I am just glad I am continuously entertaining you. If I'm not, well- There's really not much I can do, now is there? You could leave me a comment and tell me how I can improve or give me a topic to talk about. (Doubt I'd listen cause I'm extremely stubborn but you can try.) I hope to hear from you, even if it's only one person.

Love always,
Denise.

Sanitizer

Dear reader,

So I'm somewhat a clean freak.

Let's say I'm eating something and a piece of food falls off my fork and disappears, I have no idea if it landed on my clothes but I just assume the worst and change, just incase. (Just kidding, mom. (I'm not kidding.) Yes I am. (Ha, wink. *Wink*)) Example number two, if I had already had my shower, you can assume that I'll spend the rest of my time at home. If I had to go out, I'll either feel the need to shower again or wash my feet. I will not sleep in my bed unless I know I am 100% clean. Which brings me to my next point, if you're not clean, do not sit on my bed or lie in it. (Yes, I'm talking to you, brother. (Honestly, there's really no point pointing it out to him here as he is not a supportive brother who reads my blog.) Unless you are clean, stay off my bed.)

Sometimes I wonder if I have OCD. A problem of mine that I'm wondering about other than cleanliness is crinkled pages. I cannot have crinkled pages, be it on my notebooks, school books or novels. I simply cannot have crinkled pages. I cannot concentrate on anything else if I know my pages are crinkled. I will resort to either ripping out the page and rewriting my work or buying a new copy of that same novel. Right, um- I'm getting off track here. The topic's sanitizer, let's get back to that. (I'll talk about my 'OCD' another time.)

So yesterday while I was playing my iPad I felt a sneeze coming on, obviously I covered my nose and mouth so that I wouldn't sneeze on my iPad. Um...Yeah. Terrible idea. I got spit all over my hand, I had a mini panic attack and quickly wiped my hand with a tissue then ran to my room to grab my hand sanitizer. Why didn't I just wash my hands? Well, water doesn't kill as much germs as my hand sanitizer. My sanitizer kills 99.99% of the germs (At least that's what it says on the bottle). What about that 0.01%, you ask? (That was rhetorical, I know you didn't ask, I'm surprised you're still reading this.) Well, I washed my hands with water which killed that 0.01% then to be safe, I used my sanitizer again. So yeah, boom. I killed all those germs, you could call me a serial sanitizer.

Anyway, I'm going to let you go now. You must be seriously confused with yourself right now. You must be thinking, "Did I really just read and laugh at this maniac's post about hand sanitizers?" Yes, yes you did. You must have absolutely nothing to do. Well, unlike you, I have a date.

Bazinga! Well, not really. I do have a date. With my TV.

Oh god, you should've seen your face. It was hilarious. Like a crazy person who blogs about hand sanitizer will have a date. Anyways, I'm going now.

Love always,
Denise.